CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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