OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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