His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
