My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
