so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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