remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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