Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
