So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
