You really coming over, don't trick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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