Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
