just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want her autograph on my taint
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
