Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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