I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found puke in my bra..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
