Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
