Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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