if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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