Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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