i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
