I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
