Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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