i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
