It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
