weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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