We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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