and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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