Just fell off a train. Bad.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is my gift to your gina
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
