Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
