I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
