I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
