Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Be still, my beating vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
