At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
