I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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