I didn't shave. On purpose
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
