um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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