every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
