I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I will be naked everywhere
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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