you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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