people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
