Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
