Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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