imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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