Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
