i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
