I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
