We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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