I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
