i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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