i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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