when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
