We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
