Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
