Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
