Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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