How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
