I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
