Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
