I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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