see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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