After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize