My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
