I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
