Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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