i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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