I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
