I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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